9:28 p.m. - 01 January 2011
2011
Happy New Year. 2010 has been different, not good, not bad, just different. Somethings never change and others do. For example, I still have a major crush on someone. A crush that I've had for the past five years. Sad that we are 'only' friends. Sadder still, it is an on-line friend relationship. We did write letters for a good two years then we just stopped. Maybe had to do with the constant moving from one appartment complex/town to another.
I'm also a bit jelouse.
I'm also feeling more and more depressed as time goes on. It does not help that I can never land the job I want. Forget the 'current state of the economy' I've yet to get a real job. I've been out of college for three, going on four years now. I've done internships, AmeriCorps, volunteer work and it has not paid off. All of that extra stuff is suppose to make a person look good or what not.
I'm sick of it. Does not help either that, I get interviews, but no job. Or I'm offered a part-time job. No, I want something that will pay me to be there full-time and benefits would be nice too.
In the mean time, I'm back in school trying to make my first degree 'useful' and serving coffee with a green apron on. I'm really not happy with my life. I'm back in Idaho. My options were to either move in with my parent, my brother and his wife (first year married I might add) or find a roommate and an apartment.
So, I'm in an apartment, splitting rent and just barily getting by. I know that I'm just one of millions who are in the same predicument as me.
Other big changes this year, besides feeling like the biggest looser in the world, my brother got married, three of my friends had kids, and everyone I know has their real job.
Lesson learned: being the 'good girl' does not always pay off, but I can't say being the 'bad girl' does either.
So, what am I going to do about all this? Probably never tell Shelt I still care for him, keep working at the coffee giant until I'm a certified teacher, keep applying for real jobs and picking up any volunteer work I can.
There just has to be an easier way to do things!
I'd like to say 'faith, hope, trust and Pixie Dust' will cure anything, but my pixie dust was left in Florida, and I'm running low on faith.
Here is hoping 2011 will be better than 2010.
I hope this does nto sound as depressing as my previous years' New Year's Posts...
