11:16 p.m. - May 17, 2004
It all falls apart
You know in the dominos, if one cube hits the other, a chain reaction starts until all of the cubes have fallen down? Well, right now my life is kind of like, except it has yet to hit the last cube.
Saddly, I don't know how everything begain to fall apart or if it will ever stop.
Friday, I was checking my final grades and saw I had an F in Chemistry. I was a little shocked to see this since my total points said I had at least a D. So I e-mailed the professor. Today I got a reply back. The answer? The F stays. Reason: I didn't earn enough lecture points. Translation: I'm not a happy person right now.
So what does this all mean? I have to retake chemistry 112 AGAIN! I can only take the class one more time and try and pass it or I'm stuck with an F for Chem 112. I have to make the decision to either take the class in the fall or wait until I return from Florida and take it next year. If I take it this year, I won't have to take the lab.
I'm also waiting to see my physics grade. Since it has not been posted yet (and it was suppose to be posted by 4 pm today) I'm guessing the whole class failed the final exam and the professor is trying to figure out the class average since everyone litterally bombed the test...I hope anyway.
On the bright side of things, I did pass both my biology classes and I scored a B for the physics lab. I most likely missed the A because the TA did not care for our group. My roomy, got a B as well and according my 'perfect' roomy, she scored 18-19 points out of 20. Uhm...I thinking she's just making that up.
Speaking of my 'perfect' roomy, she decided to tell me the other day that she was going to be moving to California with this guy she just met, like...two week ago. Please, someone tell me that is just a little too soon to be deciding to pull roots and move with someone you don't know.
Besides that nice bomb she dropped on me, she wanted me to make a decision about what I'm going to do when I go to Florida in the Spring. Frist off: I don't have the internship yet. Second: We'd be breaking a year long contract and I don't know what that would mean.
She just makes me so angry at times! For example, this entire semester, I always made sure I did my chemistry homework whenever she was gone (work, class, dance lessons) so I didn't have to hear her sumg comments, or at least what she was implying (aka: how stupid can you be for failing chemistry). No, she's never said that, but you kind of know when a person is thinking that without saying it. Same goes with physics. After every test she'd be bragging about how she only missed one or two and would want to find out what I got. The truth was I passed the tests, but just barly. Physics is just like geometry all over again for me.
So what does this all have to do with the dominos? How can I put this...
I'm feeling pretty stuid and incapable of doing anything. No one will want to hire me of anything. No one will even bother to interview me meaning I won't get my internship or any interships for that matter and will be stuck working low paying jobs for the rest of my measly existance and I don't want that! To top that off, right now I have my dad telling me to bail Arby's, my mom pushing me into the Supervisor possion, being treated like crap from a roomy who does not get this, meanwhile making sure she pulls her share of the cleaning duties, and working my ass off just to pay my bills.
Do you think I'm stressed? That's an understatement. Right now, I'm really close to calling it quites on college. Really close. I also forgot to mention, my mom wants me to transfer to a smaller community college to compleate my degree (which does not offer the classes I need by the way).
I know a lot of what I'm saying does not make sence, but all of this is really bothering me. My parents sympathise, but really can't do anything about it; my roommate does not understand at all, partly because her parents pay everything for her (books, tuition/fees, car payments, spending money) so she has the time to study, where I have to work for everything and only get enought support from my parents to the point where they pay my car insurance and loan me $200 a month to help with my bills.
I have all of these different stresses coming in from everywhere that I can't get away from any of them. At work, I can almost feel the pressure to talk to my boss about being promoted, more so now since he came and pretty much asked me to ask him to be promoted.
GAH! The more I think about this the more of a mess it becomes. All I want to do is work with animals, that's all I've ever wanted to do and now, I don't think that will ever happen.
I feel like such a loser and failure. it seems that the harder I work at something the less likely I am to get it. I'm sick of this whole thing. I'm sick of it all. And there are no answers to anything.
~*~Dream Dancer~*~
