8:28 p.m. - 24 December 2006
No so happy year
It has been awhile since I've entered something here. I need to becareful with what I say because I'm in the living room on my laptop with my brother and family really close by.
How did the year end up? Well, it is Christmas so what I have to say, there is not much 7 days can improve upon. This is a very sad fact.
I'm offically not graduated. That is how well Chemistry went for me. This leaves me with many decisons to make and I have yet to take any option.
1-Go back in the Spring and try to pass chem...again
2-Wait until fall to go back to school
3-Walk away
Not any easy choice as you can see. It has taken me way to long to reach this point and I still don't have a degree. You have no idea how much this thought is taking up my break.
I also will not be going to Orlando in January. This leaves me looking for a job. I said at the beginning of this year even if I did not go to Orlando, I would quit Arby's. Right now, I'm not too picky, as long as it is away from Arby's. I have picked up and dropped off a few applications around town, but I have also sent out a few applications for different zoo jobs.
Besides these two issues, I've been worrying a lot about different issues that I have no control over. If I started to list them all, you would shake your head and agree that I'm waisting my time in worry.
There are also other worries that are superficial but sort of important too. I will be the first to admit that I'm an extream intravert. However, I did not realize how much of an intravert I was. Most people when they graduate have friends and family over to celebrate. I had one friend call and say she "did not know" I was graduating, but she did. This is someone I grew up with. So I spent my graduation with just me and my parents, no friends. So basically, I have no friends.
I avoid people, execpt those I work with, and even then I don't hang out with those people after work.
Besides that, I'm sick of being the 'poor college' student. I hate living from pay check to pay check and barely having enough money left over for me. To that end, I don't have money to buy clothes and then when I do save up to buy stuff, I don't feel that I'm good enough to even wear whatever it is I picked out, so I end up leaving things on the hanger in the store.
Most of the people I do know are one of three things: Married, Engaged, or dating. I'm none of those so have nothign in common with those people and hate feeling like an outcast when I'm with them. And to that extent, my brother teases me and I hate that.
So here I am, a 25 year old outcast, who is looking for a job, has no degree because I can't pass chemistry and have no idea what to do with my life.
I have often thought that I'm depressed but I've never been 'medically declared', not that it makes a differece or not.
Like I said, I don't think the seven days remaining in 2006 are going to make one hell of beans what is going to happen to me.
So to you, I wish the rest of you a Merry Christmas and a Happier New Year. As for me? I have no idea.
~*~Dream Dancer~*~
